Gone Away
by Figurly
Summary: Warning: Major spoilers past chapter 2, and some after that. Kuzuryuu, tired and hungry, reflects on time he spent with Pekoyama before they came to Hope's Peak.


The nights were always the worst. During the day, with everyone milling about, it was easy to be distracted enough to not notice how she was in the back of his mind. But it was during those quiet hours, when he was truly alone, that she reached him, and the memories flooded in, and he would linger over them until he could keep his eyes open no longer.

On 'good' nights, he would just picture her face, happy, sad, angry, or neutral, as it normally was… but on the worst nights, the only thing he would recall would be her dying in his arms, as her blood seeped out and stained his suit, and he could only think about how the pain of losing his eye was nothing compared to the pain of losing her.

Lately, he had received a break. Stuck in an infuriatingly bright pink and strawberry covered funhouse, he was able to focus on the fact that he hadn't had anything to eat in days, rather than the fact that his best friend was dead.

It had been the usual routine for the past few hours. Tossing and turning in his bed until his weariness was able to overcome him enough that he started to drift off to sleep, when the pain of hunger would awake him again. This last time, however, it hadn't been his stomach growling, but rather, someone walking by. Curious, and bored of lying in bed, he had gotten up to see who it was. Then, he had slumped in the hallway, not bothered enough to go back to his room.

His lack of energy was evident, as it was with everyone. "When was the last time I was this hungry?" He muttered to himself. And at that moment, the memories rushed him again, catching him so off guard he couldn't stop them.

_"What are you doing here?" She said, towering over him, as she always did. Despite how angry she clearly was, her tone was still respectful. He hated that._

_ "Nothing." And it was true, for the past few hours he had only been staring at the passersby as they went about their business. Of course, there were none to be seen this late in the night. It was only him and her, as he stayed slumped over on a park bench, and she stood straight and tall above him. _

_ "Everyone was looking for you." Pekoyama said, breaking first and moving to sit next to him. He noticed how she stayed a few inches away from him, but didn't say anything about it. _

_ Kuzuryuu scoffed. "As if, I know they only sent you out. But I don't care, I don't need anything from them. Especially not their pity."_

_ At that moment, his stomach let out a loud growl. _

_ He quickly turned his face from her, clutching at his torso and hoping she had not noticed. She had._

_ "You haven't been eating." She noted._

_ "Like I said, I don't need anything from them." He muttered. He could feel her eyes burning holes into the back of his head. She was upset this time, and it was the kind of upset that even the walls that she had built between them could not withstand. But that was okay. He liked her better that way. _

_ "I won't allow you to starve."Pekoyama insisted, her usually emotionless face contorted into anger. She was leaning over, staring at him intently, and it was painfully obvious to him how close her face was to his. _

_ "Good thing it's not up to you, then." He said._

_ Her arm lashed out and grabbed ahold of his shoulder, forcing him around to look at her. Kuzuryuu was surprised for a second, unused to her acting against him, and unused to her touch. He could tell she was trying to calm herself by the way her grip loosened around his arm and the deep breaths she was taking. He wished she wouldn't, though, she was so much more her when she was upset._

_ "… Young master." She said to him, after a few seconds of collecting herself. _

_ He hated that title. It represented everything that kept them apart, and if she never said it to him again, it would be too soon._

_ Kuzuryuu ripped his arm away from her, and turned away from her again. "I told you, you don't have to call me that anymore. Whatever my family wants you to be…" He trailed off, his heart sinking. It was pointless to argue, and he knew it. They had been through this before._

_ Pekoyama sighed, and out of the corner of his eye he noticed her standing. His throat constricted a bit to think that she would be leaving, but maybe that was for the better. Lately, it only seemed to hurt him when she was around._

_ "Come on, I'll get you some food." _

_ He glanced up to see her hand outstretched towards him. Her expression was as perfectly neutral as always, and yet the gesture still seemed kind. _

_ "So what, then you can carry me back home?" He said, frowning at her._

_ Pekoyama glanced away, though her hand remained extended towards him. "I'll let you decide."_

_ He continued to stare at her, still weary._

_ "My loyalty is to you first, then your family."_

_ He hand was rough, and could take him places he had never been before._

Kuzuryuu's head was buried in his arms, trying to fight back tears. "I can't cry again," He took in a huge, shaky breath, "I can't…"

_"Pekoyama, have you…"His palms were setting and gripping his knees as though everything would fall apart if he let go. His heart was pounding against his chest so hard he was sure it was going to explode any moment. "Have you ever…"_

_ They were at that bench again. It had become a regular hang out spot ever since that night, only a few weeks before. They would sit there whenever school was over and Kuzuryuu didn't feel like going home, which was most days. Eventually Pekoyama would convince him to return to his family, but he just enjoyed spending the hours with her. Even if she treated him differently than he desired, he would see past it. Perhaps he could change her opinion over time._

_ That being said, the current burden weighing on his mind was ridiculous. And he was actually going to say it._

_ That is, until, Pekoyama interrupted him._

_ "It's lucky we're going to the same school tomorrow, isn't it, young master?" She said to him, clearly looking to fill the awkward silence he had left with his unfinished question._

_ "Tch, hardly luck. My family probably pulled some strings to get me in after they found out you were attending Hope's Peak." That was a lie, and he knew it. Perhaps she did. It was he who had called the school staff, throwing around his family name to threaten them, and forcing them to allow him to join. A bit unorthodox, and he hated relying on his family for anything, but he didn't want to be separated from Pekoyama. And he didn't want her to give up on this opportunity either, because there was no doubt she would follow him to whichever school he went._

_ She didn't say anything more. The silence was back. And with it, the thought._

_ His heart was pumping so fast it was roaring in his ears, there was no doubt she could hear it. If she was saying anything, he couldn't hear it. Where had the thought come from? Was it because they were starting high school? In any case, there was no way he could say it. It was stupid, irrational, and most of all…_

_ "Pekoyama, have you ever kissed anyone?" He blurted._

_ It was embarrassing._

_ He could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks, his heart still pumping a million miles a minute. He was sure she was staring at him. She was probably thinking about how disgusting he was. And just what kind of Super High School Level Yakuza was he supposed to be, if he couldn't even keep his own mouth under control? Some crime boss he would be._

_ "No, I haven't." She stated simply. Everything seemed to stop. His heart stayed still, the shaking settled down, his mind drawing a total blank. _

_ "You haven't…" He repeated, softly, still not daring to look at her._

_ She didn't seem puzzled, or concerned with the question at all. Just what kind of girl was she?_

_ In any case, he decided, if he had gone this far, he may as well see it through._

_ "I- I haven't either."_

_ He raised the courage to look at her again. She was already staring at him, and once more he was uncomfortably aware of how close her face was._

_ "I, I mean we, we, maybe we should…" He couldn't finish the sentence. Inside, he was beating himself up. Why had he started this? Their friendship would be ruined forever, now, and it would be all his fault. Why couldn't he have stayed quiet, and let things progress normally? _

_ She clearly understood where he was going, evidenced by her expression finally changing into something extremely shocked. "I suppose, if the young master wants to." She said, quietly._

_ She had said those two words again, and with it, Kuzuryuu's heart deflated. He could feel something new creeping its way up his throat, and despite his best efforts, he could not explain why it was there. He should be happy she at least didn't think of him as disgusting, right? Any other way he imagined the scenario playing out could only be daydreams, couldn't they? He knew it would never turn out as perfectly as he had imagined it._

_ And even as he rationalized all of this, he still wanted to cry._

_ He stood up, quickly. "Nevermind. Forget it. It was stupid." He said quickly, trying to hide the shakiness of his voice. He had to get away quickly, he couldn't let her see him this way. _

_ "Wait-!" She called out, grabbing his shoulder, and just like the last time, she spun him around again._

"I don't want to remember this." He whispered to himself. "Please, anything but this."

Kuzuryuu racked his brain for anything to distract him from this, immersed himself in the pain his hunger was causing him, stared at the never-ending strawberries on the wallpaper before him, anything would be better than remembering this.

The red strawberries danced before him, taunting him with the thought of food he couldn't have. Bright red, just like her

_Eyes. Her eyes were, for the first time he could remember in a very long time, filled with emotions._

_ They did nothing for a while, just stared at each other, not sure what they were doing but not bothering to figure it out. All he wanted to do was breathe in her presence, and never forget it._

_ And the she leaned down._

_ Her lips were soft, and made him feel like flying._

He could still feel the kiss if he tried to, but it wasn't that that had killed him. Rather, it was what she had said afterward that would lay so heavily on his mind.

"_That…," She whispered, "Was for Kuzuryuu."_

He felt sick, like something was tugging on his heart. All he wanted was to wake up and realize that this had been some horrible dream, and that Pekoyama was alive and they could go back to being friends, or whatever their relationship was. He would give the world if it meant he could see her again, and wouldn't even care if she only called him by his title.

But even though he said that…

_He stood in the doorway, watching her braid her hair as they prepared for their first day at Hope's Peak. This was their routine most mornings. After they were both dressed, Kuzuryuu would stand and wait for her to finish her morning rituals. It was one of the few times he would wait on her, and not the other way around. She didn't seem to mind that he stared, though he doubted she would say anything to him even if she did. _

_ "Pekoyama." He spoke up, something that wasn't usually apart of their routine. _

_ She stopped what she was doing, but did not turn around, or answer. Was she still embarrassed about what had happened the night before? He could feel heat rising to his cheeks as he recalled the memory, and his heart beating a little bit faster._

_ He cleared his mind. It was best not to focus on that, for the time being. At least, not until he got this off his chest._

_ "When we get to school today, I think we should act as friends," He said, attempting to sound as tough as he could manage, "Not servant and master, or whatever, just friends."_

_ Pekoyama didn't waver. She stood, turned around, and said simply, "As the young master wishes."_

_ Her voice was cold, and tore him to pieces._

"Pekoyama…"

Could he honestly withstand it if she talked liked that to him again? All he wanted to do was hold her. It was pointless to think about, but he was sure that, if he ever got to see her again, all he would do was hold her. And if it was possible, he would never let go of her again.

_He was aware of the fact that he was losing a lot of blood, and he was concerned by the fact. As he came to terms with what had happened, he knew that it was extremely painful, and yet, it didn't seem to be registering completely._

_ "Peko…" He whispered, looking up at her._

_ Her arms were wrapped around him, her hands cradling his head against her neck. He was dizzy, lightheaded, and all he wanted to do was sink into her and sleep for a very long time. It was such an inviting thought, and she was finally seeing him as something other than her master, right? This was what he wanted._

_ Through one eye, barely opened, he could see her face, contorted in pain. Snapped out of his trance, he was about to ask her what was wrong, when he saw it behind her. _

_ "Peko-!" He shouted, too late. The sword glinted off the stage lights, before plunging through her, and barely missing him as well. "Peko- Pekoyama!" Everything seemed to be catching up to him at once. The pain coming from his losing his eye, the screams of his classmates as they watched the scene play out, Pekoyama's blood seeping from her body, and staining his suit. _

_ He caught her in his arms as she slumped over, shouting her name and begging her to respond, panicking when he realized she wasn't moving. "Pekoyama!" Her bloodstained face stayed still, stray bits of hair flying in front of her eyes, wide open but looking at nothing._

_ He held her body close to him, shielding her from the still-approaching blades, attempting to do her more harm. _

_ Pekoyama…_

_ He couldn't even remember the first time they had met. She had always been there, a constant force shaping the world around him, sharing every moment with him that she could. He wasn't sure when they were told by his family how their relationship was supposed to pan out, either. Perhaps Pekoyama had just grown into her role as bodyguard, rather than forced it._

_ The first of the swords were cutting into him. He could feel it sting, but his crying remained solely for Pekoyama, who he was pulling closer to him as every sword hit._

_ When had he fallen in love with her? Maybe it was one of those feelings that were always there, as well. Where she had gradually become his bodyguard over time, Kuzuryuu had been falling in love with her at a million miles a minute. _

_ The blood loss was starting to reach his head. He was having trouble keeping his eyes open, and despite his best effort his grip was slacking on her body. Slumping over her, the visions of his life continued to flashed in front of his eyes._

_ He couldn't pinpoint the exact moment where she had started calling him 'young master', or when he had started getting annoyed by it. Everything seemed to blur together, until it was just pictures of Pekoyama. Pekoyama smiling. Pekoyama angry. Pekoyama, lauging, crying, frowning. She was his life._

"No, she is my life."

Her presence was powerful, and now that it was gone, it would cripple him forever.


End file.
